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Park Guests SUCK
collie_wing
parkguests_suck
collie_wing
Appropriate and Inappropriate Responses to Situations


Lesson One:

My horse is working. When his harness and bridle are on and he is attached to his streetcar, he is doing his job of pulling. All business. When I kindly and politely ask you to not to pet his head as it distracts him and invades his personal space, your answer should be:

A)"Oh, sorry!" Followed by a prompt removal from his head, and perhaps a request on whether petting is acceptable, and where you are allowed to pet him if it is so.

Your answer should not, under any circumstances be:

B) "I have horses, it's okay." Followed by a complete and utter disregard for my request.

Response A will garner much favor and will incline myself and my fellow drivers to be gracious in allowing people to pet our horses. Response B will earn first another, firmer warning followed by a summoning of security if Response B is repeated. Response B also inclines myself and fellow drivers to discontinue allowance of petting altogether on all horses, not just certain ones. Please keep this in mind when interacting with a driver and her horse.


Lesson Two:

The bald eagle perched out was originally found as an adolescent by a woman who attempted to make her into a pet. Said eagle, in an attempt to fly through a sliding glass door, fractured her wing irreperable and caused the aspiring pet owner several deep wounds. After hearing her story and the stories of several other raptors who came from failed pet situation, your response should be:

A) "That's so sad! Why would anyone want a wild animal as a pet?"

Your response should NOT be:

B)"I had me a Great Horned Owl for a pet once, when I was a boy. What you gotta do is steal 'em outta the nest young and raise 'em before they get a chance to turn mean. Helps if you tie 'em down all the time so they don't know how to fly good, too."

Response A earns concurrence, and earns the responder a golden, shining badge of Common Sense. Response B earns you the ultimate, turd colored Idiot Award. Response B, unfortunately, is an actual, verbatim response. *facepalm*


Next time on Appropriate and Inappropriate Responses...Why Off the Wall Conjectures About Things and Situations You Know Nothing About are Bad!

Current Mood: cranky cranky

2 comments or Leave a comment
crazy_dragon
parkguests_suck
crazy_dragon
for the love of god people a spectacled owl is not a freaking penguin and a black vulture is not a baby eagle
7 comments or Leave a comment
acanis
parkguests_suck
acanis
Why is it that when you are cleaning out an enclosure people just watch you..? Not at the animal at all, you look up there are eyes fixed on you picking up poo almost looking hopeful in some way. Aware of being watched you continue your job being stared at until the point you leave the enclosure, what do they expect you to do? Juggle? I don't know.

If I saw the same people out and about walking their dog I wouldn't stare as they put a plastic bag over their hand and picked up a big steaming 'Mr Whippy'. I find it very strange...
7 comments or Leave a comment
acanis
parkguests_suck
acanis
Hi everyone I am a new member, I work with bird of prey in a medium sized zoo and I am afraid that many guests do indeed suck.

I wanted to share something I had written a long time ago, I hope there are people who can relate!

Dear Customers,
Whilst working in any environment there are, I am sure, many comments, phrases and actions you may hear more than you would like to and loose any ounce of humour after the first 20 times. Please bear this in mind when visiting a zoo. Oh dear customers I can assure you anything you say to try and be funny in front of your family is neither original nor intelligent, in fact I can promise you that the exact same thing was said by the previous group walking a head of you. Please forgive me if I do not smile at your wit. The following is a helpful list to prepare you for your fun day out laughing at all the stupid animals.

1. In human society when asking for anything it is customary to say 'please' or 'thank you'. If these words are not available then at least 'excuse me' or 'beg your pardon' will do. I am not particular as I will accept foreign languages too for example; 'perdon' (Spanish), 'Scusi' (Italian), 'Pardon' (French), 'Entschuldigung' (German), etc, I could go on. I would prefer this than just standing in front of me, blocking my escape and talking at me.

2. In addition to the above, asking me something with no indication that you are talking to me as I quickly walk past is not very practical either.

3. If you observe a zoo keeper walking down a path towards you in a brisk manner, it is helpful and practical to move out of his/her way. Please to not look at them and continue to block the path with your hellspawn child in a push chair. If there are many children then as a (delete appropriate) school teacher/carer/guardian it would be nice for you to have some control over the brats.

4. If you see a zoo keeper pushing a wheel barrow full of gravel or carrying something equally heavy then please refer back to the previous but with more speed.

5. On occasions you may observe a keeper moving a bird of prey which involves building a lot of trust with that individual bird. Should you be lucky to witness this then please refer back to 3 but with even more speed than 4. Do not let your miniture minions come running over screaming and I request that you do the same. If I had a tiger would you behave the same? Well probably.

6. Do not suggest that the way we keep bird of prey is cruel, you have not read the signs. In addition to this perhaps you should compare us to other places first before you make an un educated judgment.

7. Owls do not go 'twit terwoooo'. Do not teach your brats this.

8. Our owls are not 'snoring'.

9. Our Harris Hawk has been named 'Bryn', it is pronounced as 'Brin' and not as you keep suggesting 'Brian'.

10. Our Harris Hawks, Falcons and Owls are not 'Eagles' nor are they 'Ravens' and definitely not 'Chimpanzees' (seriously).

11. Our Ravens are not Harris Hawks, Falcons or Owls.

12. Frequently you will notice that zoo keepers often enter restricted areas and animal enclosures. Please note what we are carrying, if we hold anything at all, before making the judgment and following statement that 'he/she's going to feed them!' In my personal case bird of prey do not eat gravel, vegetation, scat, screwdrivers, buckets, water, jackets, microphones, chip wood, sand or anything else apart from meat. If we honestly fed our animals every time someone told us that we were, we would have either very obese or very dead specimens.

13. Our animals are on specialist diets, they are monitored and weighed every day so we can honestly assure you that your ice cream is not going to help. Do not ignore the 'do not feed' signs no matter how much you feel the need to share, this also includes plants next to signs stating 'do not pick our plants', bits of string, plastic bags or similar stupid items. The only thing we will tolerate is the feeding of fingers or children to the more dangerous animals.

14. Further to 12, all public feeds are on the back of your map, if it isn't listed, you won't see it.

15. You have been given a map, use it.

16. The vultures only eat dead, rotten meat, they will not eat me. I am neither crazy nor brave to be in their aviary.

17. When being addressed for example in a public encounter with an animal it is polite to stop talking and listen to what the nice zoo keeper has to say so he or she may share an animal experience with you, one you probably will not forget. Do not ignore them and continue talking. While on the subject of being polite refer back to 1.

18. When you observe a zoo keeper outside of an enclosure or restricted area do not 'follow them'. You will not have a different or more special experience than any other member of the public who visits, refer back to 14 should you feel confused over this matter.

19. Do not allow the asking of stupid questions such as 'why are you cleaning?' In addition if your idiot child is known for making pointless, irrelevant or plain annoying statements then please do not allow this offspring to communicate. Please refer to the case study of asking a group what parrots may like to eat. The answer is not I UMM THINK I UMM SAW A SHARK ON TV ONCE. This is just for the sake of attention and should be punished with fire.

Finally I have saved the best till last:

20. If you see a zoo keeper cleaning an enclosure do not suggest 'that is a funny looking species' or ask 'what species is that?' This is not big, not clever, not funny, not well thought out, not amusing and definately not original.

I hope that this is helpful and will result in a much more pleasurable zoo visit.

Yours sincerely

A Zookeeper
7 comments or Leave a comment
jub_cheetah
parkguests_suck
jub_cheetah
Hey all, new here. Right to business.



"Hey, look at the size of that Penguin down there!"

Congratulations, sir. You are the first person in the history of this zoo, nay, of all zoos, all the way back to the ancient Greeks, to have come up with that gem. Yes, I am standing in the drained penguin pond, how wonderful that enough of the synapses in your brain fired off to let you realize that. Your reward is you get to go play with the Cinereous vultures.



This one surprised even the curator and the senior keeper who had been working there for almost twenty years:

Woman, what the hell were you doing with that food plate?! I walked away for all of a minute, thinking it'd be okay to leave the food plates out on my cart while I put some dishes in the sink. How wrong I was. What possessed to you to grab a plate of passerine diet off my cart, and go show it to your friends?

Ugh. People.
5 comments or Leave a comment
justblieve
parkguests_suck
justblieve
If I have to hear one more person's Snow White story about how they go out into the woods and animals just come to them and let them pet them and birds land on them and they pick up bobcats and cuddle them I will choke a bitch :| I always just smile politely and go "yeah? That's cool."
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justblieve
parkguests_suck
justblieve
Wow. So I overhear some lady asking a fellow employee if the things in the park are "camels or dromedaries" Said employee doesn't work with animals so she says "I don't know" And the old lady goes "well there's camels and there's dromedaries and one has one hump but I can't remember which" and my coworker goes "oh well what we have out there are camels"

At this point I can't take it anymore so I step up and go "Dromedaries are camels. What we have are Bactrian camels. You can tell because Dromedaries have one hump and Bactrian have two." The lady stares at me and then turns and tells my coworker that she doesn't believe me, to which she replies "well she's been here a long time and she knows what she's talking about."

WTF. I hate people who have that "well you're young, what do you know?" attitude.
8 comments or Leave a comment
memyselfandi87
parkguests_suck
memyselfandi87
This suck spreads across two different days and two different sets of guests.

Yesterday, I was working in the gift shop of the zoo. It was relatively dead that day - I was the only one assigned to a register for the day, and we have two register drawers out at all times just in case, and three if we really have a ton of people come in. Anyway, this mom comes in wanting a band-aid for her daughter. We don't have them in the gift shop, so I pointed her next door to the first aid room. She tells her two sons to browse the gift shop, and she'd be in there momentarily. Her two sons are on Heelys, you know, the shoes with the skate wheels on them? I haven't personally been told a rule about Heelys in the zoo, so I let them glide from place to place. Mom comes in, and the whole family browses. One of my supervisors passes through the gift shop, and he sees the Heelys. He tells me fairly loudly (so the family could overhear, not because I was in trouble) that Heelys aren't allowed in the zoo. One of the kids hears, and skids to a stop. Second kid seems oblivious, and continues skating. My supervisor (who's a pretty big guy - you don't want to mess with him) marches up to the kid and tells him that Heelys aren't allowed at the zoo. Both kids stop. Supervisor goes to the back room to get something, and the kids start skating again. I tell them that Heelys aren't allowed, and they stop. My supervisor heard and saw this from the back room, and he tells me that if they give me another problem, then he'd personally kick the people out of the zoo. Can ya'll actually believe that they didn't give me another problem??

Second suck happened today. I was working out in the zoo selling nectar for lorikeets (*points to icon*). The building that I work in is really small. It basically has a counter, a drink cooler, sound system, and a door. I'd estimate the whole building to be 100 square feet, if that. People go out to the back to the lorikeet aviary to feed them nectar and/or observe the lorikeets. The building opens at 10, and about 10:30, a family comes in with a kid skating around on Heelys. The conversation goes on as follows:

3 comments or Leave a comment
soappuppy
parkguests_suck
soappuppy
Beloved sponsors -- if you are so broke that you cannot afford a $40 payment to a credit card every three months, perhaps you should not be joining our park's animal sponsorship program. I don't mind if you have no money and can't donate, but quit promising us money (via the program) and then making us waste time and postage trying to hunt you down when your credit card is declined (again) and we cannot make your payment go through.

I am tired of having people "sponsor" an animal -- and receive all the benefits thereof -- for effectively 1/4 the normal price and then cost us money and time trying to hunt them down when their credit card spontaneously explodes as we try to charge the second payment three months later. It screws us over, and, honestly, we're a farking non-profit; we don't need to be screwed over as much as you clearly do. That money goes toward feeding our animals, ya bozo. Fork it over or don't, but quit waving it in our face.

This is the fifth one. Today.
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danceswthcobras
parkguests_suck
danceswthcobras
It would be hard to list the stupidest thing I've seen in my zookeeping career.  The park guests at Gatorland who climbed the fence and held their little kids up over the barrier to get a better look at the Gator Jump are definitely contenders.  (Yes, there was more than one such incident.)   Jump-trained alligators who are expecting a piece of meat to be held out to them by human hands are surely going to know the difference between a 40 pound wiggling meat-grub and a chicken leg.  The wiggling meat grub is bigger and worth jumping higher for.  Darwin Award contenders for sure.

Then there was the guy who took his keys in his fist and banged as hard as he could on the glass in front of the taipan cage, attempting to break it.   A large adult specimen of Oxyuranus scutellatus is not really something you should be attempting to piss off and set loose in a crowded zoo, unless you have a serious death wish and you want to share the wealth.  We were just flabbergasted at that degree of stupid.  Fortunately our glass is extremely shatter resistant and tough, since it was custom formulated to resist even what our largest crocodilians could throw at it.  The stupid guest was spared an immediate Darwination, and we tossed his idiot ass out the door.   Some people are just too stupid to live. 

Last week it went like this.  I was inside the king cobra cage cleaning glass early in the morning before opening, and the phone rang.  I went ahead and took the call, since the big guy was being good and staying on the other side of the cage, and we do sometimes get emergencies on that line.   There's some cages I wouldn't have taken a call in, but the king enclosure is big enough that there's some leeway. 

Well, it wasn't an emergency.  Instead a Stupid Park Guest asked, "Do y'all have fish?"  Well, no, I explained.  This is the reptile museum.  We are not a seafood restaurant.  We are not the Fort Fisher Aquarium.  Only animal care staff answer this phone before opening hours, and I'm sorry I cannot help you right now, I am doing animal care.  

SPG then proceeds to babble on about the fish-quarium and how he needs me to tell him how to get there.  Could I give him directions?  Did I have a map handy?  I repeated that this was the animal care department of a reptile museum, and I was currently inside a venomous snake enclosure where we did not happen to keep maps to other local attractions.  He then proceeded to ask me what kinds of fish his family could see at the fish-quarium.  Did they have sharks?  How much did it cost to get in the fish place?   Rapidly losing my patience, I told him to call the Aquarium because I did not know, and I was in the middle of cleaning a cobra cage.  He then asked if I could get him their phone number.   I explain that I really cannot help him, because most zoos do not keep phone books in their cobra cages.   We only keep cobras there, to which I really needed to return all of my attention. 

At this point I'm pretty much done with cobra cleanup and I'm starting to climb out of the cage.  Since I can't lift the door all the way due to having one hand on the phone, the shoulder strap on my khaki zoo uniform gets caught in the door.  So I'm physically stuck half in and half out of a 14' king cobra's cage, listening to some wanker demanding that I tell him all about an attraction I don't even work at.  That was the end of my patience and the end of the phone call. 

Park guests suck.  Especially the ones who aren't even planning to be your park guests but think it is their entitlement to demand service from your staff anyways.  From the inside of a cobra cage. 

Current Mood: bitchy bitchy

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